


Feet, Glorious Feet

by orphan_account



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Feet, Politics, Western Civilization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ben is looking forward to his date with AOC, but he ends up realizing something very different about himself.
Relationships: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez/Ben Shapiro
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Feet, Glorious Feet

Sometimes the House of Representatives was a shitty place to work. Today, a Republican from Pennsylvania had held up debate for three hours because he felt that the bill in question went against his religious beliefs. Since this was climate-change legislation, his religious beliefs evidently included hastening the End Times because of environmental catastrophe. AOC was very annoyed by this, not least because the Republican in question kept claiming that the Paris Accords were a socialist plot to collectivize healthcare. It baffled her, sometimes, how many different ways her colleagues could misunderstand socialism.   
Anyway, because of this religiously-inspired delay, AOC was now running late for her meeting with Ben Shapiro that evening. He said it wasn't a date, per se, but it was well known around D.C. that he was one of those Republican men who kept asking her for foot pics, so she doubted that this was just going to be a platonic get-together. Which is why she had asked Bernie to show up at the same cafe and run interference for her if things went downhill. Of course, much like a Fact, AOC did not care about Ben's feelings, and she was kind of looking forward to rejecting him straight out, but having Bernie around was always a good idea.   
She decided to wear a red dress because that was the color of Socialism, but unfortunately also the color of the Republican Party (because Americans don't understand politics, as if you needed proof of that). After thinking for a bit she went with combat boots for her footwear, because there was no chance of anyone seeing her feet through those things. Republican men were weird about her feet. Well, the Republican men who were actually straight, anyway. There was kind of a limited quantity of those. Not that she cared.   
So at 7 that night, she met Ben at the cafe. She noticed that Bernie was sitting a few seats away from them, reading "The Republic" by Plato because Bernie was an intellectual guy. AOC wondered if any Republicans had actually read "The Republic," but she doubted it. To be fair, she had only got halfway through it in a college ethics class, but clearly an ethics class was not something that would appeal to Republicans.   
Ben remarked that her dress was the color of the Republican Party. "Also why are you wearing combat boots?" he asked.   
"Ben," she said, "I don't base my wardrobe off of some far-right neocons' favorite color. And, why were you looking at my feet?"  
He didn't have an answer to that question, because the answer was obvious. AOC thought she heard Bernie chuckle but she couldn't be sure, as he had his face buried in "The Republic" so as not to draw attention to himself. Bernie was quite the popular figure and she was surprised none of his adoring Gen Z fans had discovered him here yet. To be fair, there weren't many Gen Z activists in D.C., probably because the cost of living was almost as high as the Pentagon budget.   
Ben remarked sarcastically, "I'm surprised you're not wearing one of those Fidel Castro t-shirts."  
She looked at him quizzically.   
Condescendingly, Ben said, "Oh, do they not teach you that in the socialist alternate reality? Fidel Castro was an evil dictator, he killed 5 million innocent Cubans and ruined the economy, and all the stupid kids these days worship him. Did you know that Cuba was literally - not figuratively - the greatest place in the world before he took power and destroyed - "  
"BEN!" she said. "you are eight kinds of idiot. I'm not a Communist, but Cuba has better healthcare than America, and no one has ever worn a t-shirt with Fidel fucking Castro on it. Read a book sometime."  
"I would prefer to read your feet."  
"Are you serious? That's your pickup line? How long did you work on that one for?"  
He shrugged. "If socialism works so well why don't you redistribute your feet pics for free?"  
"Jesus Christ," she said. "Is that all you can think about? When you're debating college kids with your stupid talking points about markets and feelings and whatever, are you actually just thinking about their feet the whole time?"  
Ben didn't answer but she could see from his expression that she was right.   
"That's - how shall I say this? - pretty fucked up," she said.   
"Aha! Clearly you're not willing to debate me on an intellectual level if you are already cursing at me," he said. "Didn't you know that only the most lowbrow jerks would ever be rude to someone? I myself have never been rude to anyone, especially not to make myself look smarter than them."   
"Making yourself look smarter than someone must be pretty hard. No wonder you keep trying, you know, if at first you don't succeed - "  
"All I said was that your feet must be more attractive than your policy proposals," he said. "No one wants Medicare for All, but everyone wants feet pics."  
AOC decided that this was quite enough. "You know what?" she said. "Medicare for All is the most popular policy in the fucking country, but i guess you wouldn't know about that because you seem to live in the land of Alternative Facts along with your Republican friends in Congress. Tell me the truth Ben, have you ever had a normal conversation with someone in your life?"  
"You say that like it's a bad thing!" he said defensively.   
AOC threw up her hands in frustration and said, "Look, I was at least looking forward to arguing with you about legitimate political issues. But if you're going to do nothing but talk about my feet, I'm going to leave. And this is the last time I'm meeting YOU anywhere outside of Twitter."   
With that she left the restaurant. Ben stared after her - well he stared at her feet anyway - then sighed and turned around to see an old guy in a booth reading "The Republic." Ben went over and sat down next to him, without looking to see if he even knew the guy. His heart was broken. AOC and her feet had left him.   
"She left me," he said sadly. "You seem like a smart man, reading these fundamental texts of Western Civilization. Tell me, what do you do when a woman rejects you? I usually go home and look at feet pics, but maybe as a true defender of the West I should be doing something more constructive. Do you have any advice sir?"  
The older man looked up from the book and Ben realized with a shock that it was none other than Bernie Sanders, the godfather of democratic socialism himself.   
Bernie looked at Ben sagely and said, "I have never been rejected in my life. So I don't have any advice for you."  
"Are you serious?" Ben asked. "An old Commie like you, never rejected by anyone. I don't believe it."  
Bernie smiled. When he smiled he looked a lot younger for some reason. "Maybe you are asking out the wrong people."  
"What do you mean, the wrong people?" Ben asked. "I've tried my luck with everyone from Candance Owens to Kshama Sawant, and they all reject me. I thought maybe the Foot Goddess - I mean, AOC - would give me a chance, but no. Ugh, why am I even talking to you about this? You're just a Commie like her." He got up to leave.   
Bernie shrugged and went back to reading. Ben remained surprised that someone like Sanders was reading such a fundamental text of Western Civilization which he himself had never even opened, although he had to pretend to do so for a college class that one time. Maybe Bernie was secretly hiding a copy of the Communist Manifesto or Mao's Little Red Book inside the cover of "The republic." Yes, that had to be the answer. Bernie the radical Maoist Communist socialist would never read such an intellectual manuscript.   
Ben kept thinking about this stuff to get his mind off of AOC's rejection. He was so disappointed that he barely even noticed Dennis Prager walk in to the cafe. He only noticed because he was staring at people's feet, and the old propagandist was wearing sandals. Ben stared at his feet for a while and then looked up with a shock to see who it was.   
Dennis Prager??? How could HE have attractive feet? He was a guy! Maybe Ben was just imagining AOC's feet while looking at him. Yeah, that definitely had to be it. He couldn't seriously think that Dennis Prager of all people had attractive feet.   
Except ... he did??  
As Ben watched, Prager walked over to Bernie Sanders' table and smugly said, "Venezuela." Bernie rolled his eyes as if this was a habitual thing and he was accustomed to it. Noticing Sanders, Ben was remined of the old man's advice "maybe you are asking out the wrong people."   
Which is how Ben Shapiro realized that he was gay, at least when it came to feet.   
~ The End ~


End file.
